Last night, Oliver, a text-buddy-slash-friend, gave his landline number to me through text and we talked on the phone.
He narrated to me the events concerning his break up with his most recent ex boyfriend and how he met his new one the following day. Apparently, he didn't like it when his ex posted his number on his g4m account and to show him just how he disliked the situation, Oliver did the same.
And Oliver, being the fairly good-looking man that he is, almost instantly was bombarded with messages proposing friendship, sex, or possibly more, none of which he took seriously. His ex (who wasn't his ex at the time) was offended by what he did and having achieved his goal, Oliver broke up with him. All this he did without feeling the least bit angry, or so he says.
A day later, Oliver met up with a textmate whom he was having a good time texting with due to the guy's fun nature and sense of humor, which complemented his own. He was also following an astrologic prediction given to him by some professional who said that he was going to fall in love with someone who was born in the month of April. And so he did.
The both of them had such a good time during their date that they walked great distances, literally, without even noticing it. At the end of their date, Oliver proposed that they go inside the guy's home and after doing so, initiated a kiss that would later on lead to their first sexual congress.
They are in love, based on his definition at least.
Oliver defined a relationship as the "highest form of friendship", that it's a bond that should ultimately lead to happiness. Although I agree with him on the second part of that claim, I disagree with the first one because I think that love, or a commitment based on it, is a different category altogether.
Friendship for me is something neutral, stable, or less extreme as compared to love. For one, the latter involves more passion and other elements that friendship is not founded on, And I'm not just talking about the romantic or sensual kind of love you see in koreanovelas or movies.
Two people who have pledged their undying affection and loyalty to one another in the name of God (or the constitution) join together to produce a child, to bring him into this world and ensconce him in the very thing that gave way to his existence: love.
An artist makes love to life to produce his own offspring in the form of his art works. Inspiration is the falling in love stage, but his dedication to complete his works proves his passion and loyalty to his craft. If he were just in a friendly relationship with his concepts of reality, he wouldn't be able to produce works that are able to stir the hearts of those who see them.
And if Oliver really did love those people whom he broke up with almost weekly, then why didn't he even try to hold on to them? He may feel that his maturity of experience or self-respect has allowed him to gain control over himself and his feelings but in reality, he has grown numb.
For one, true love, and not just the kind you see in movies like "The Notebook" or in any other chick flick, can hardly be dismissed in the manner and speed that he and other bisexuals/ homosexuals do. And if ever they can, then fear has obviously taken over and has overthrown their notions of trust, no matter how objective or wary they think they have become.
Still, I have to admit that he made a lot of good points. It's true that love and relationships are supposed to make you happy, that you should be loyal if it's true to what you really want, and that you have to love and respect yourself to be able to get it from other people.He also helped me to become more vigilant of my situation with Rhex and the possibility that he may be standing in my way or whether he is really helping me be happy.Oliver has definitely got me thinking.
Still, I think I'll keep holding on to Rhex and what I have with him. For whatever it's worth, I still believe that there's something HERE worth fighting for. A lot of people, especially gays or bi's like me, may say that it's not supposed to be this hard.
Then again, it's not supposed to be that easy either.+purple_lantern+
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i feel as if i am in an entirely different arena. i neither disagree nor agree with you or your friend, oliver.
though i find it hard to believe that happiness is a sufficient/necessary condition to love, i do not believe that it's that painstaking either.
forgive me, i'm probably just an amateur. but i believe in three things about love:
one. it requires an ample amount of time. i must admit though that the time i am referring to here is also subjective, and probably can refer to a day, or two days.
two. it requires honesty and its complementary acceptance. the more two people become honest with and to each other, and the deeper the acceptance of each other's flaws, the more evident, i think, love will be.
three. love is instinctive. you don't need too much rationalizing with this one really, because you feel something, and it tells you this and that, without even a whiff of explanation. that's why its contradicting, irrational, and what-have-you. because at the end of the day, it remains unfathomable, vague, and ambigious like it was the first day. probably less, yes, but unfathomable, vague, and ambigious still.
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